Logan Matthew

the girl from first grade

i’ve liked one of my best friends since i was six years old. we “dated’ in 7th grade but last week was the first time i told her about my feelings since then.  we’ve talked about it very indirectly before, but last week we really talked about it.  she has feelings for me as well, which is fantastic; the idea of a girl like this having feelings for me is far beyond my comprehension.

but the timing is pretty crappy. 8 months out of the year we live in different states. these 8 months begin again in 3 weeks. so i don’t know what to do.

i guess there isn’t much that i can do

for a long time i’ve thought being with this girl would solve everything. i thought being with her would take away all my loneliness and fill my desire for affection.

i’ve wanted her more than i’ve wanted God.

as a single man i should have nothing holding me back from pursuing a profoundly intimate relationship with the only one who truly knows me.  i have been missing out on giving God all of my affections in this season where i have no one else to give them to.

but i don’t pursue my God, i just want this girl.  amazing as she is, she is still just a girl and i need to remember that.

so, whatever happens, i want to start taking my emptiness to God. I want him to be the one i want. i want him to be the one i go to when i crave affection.