sometimes I feel lonely even when I’m not alone.
sometimes I feel empty when I’m full.
sometimes I feel such an intense longing even when there’s nothing more I need.
At these times, it is so easy to sin; so easy to return to my old habits because their only consequence is guilt. And guilt isn’t hard to conquer, it only takes five minutes to get guilt out of my mind. These habits will fulfill me; not for long, but they are usually worth the 30 seconds of feeling bad.
To respond correctly to these lonely times is much harder and takes much longer. To go on walks with God in the middle of the night, to pray, to think, to create; these are harder, because they are not immediate. And when I’m longing, I want immediacy.
It takes a long time to be able to turn overwhelming, profound moments of hopelessness and anxiety into overwhelming, profound moments of real conversations with my Jesus.
